What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
