We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
