ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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