If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
