jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
