yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
