Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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