i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
