No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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