I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
