Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
