Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
operation harelip BJ is a go
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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