I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
