It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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