she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
