Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
