Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
