This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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