Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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