i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
