I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
