Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
