I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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