The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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