I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
