my sisters under your porch take her home
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
