you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
