I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
