Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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