is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
