Pappa wants mamma naked
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
