i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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