One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
