I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize