soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
