no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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