i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
