I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Randomize
