somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
