The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
