her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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