take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
