I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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