i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
