wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
