hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
