if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
