This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so let's talk penis.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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