That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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