You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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