Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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