Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
